December 12, 2011:
From December 2008 through October 2009, at the height of my movie-watching (back when I was still seeing many new releases, renting tons of older stuff, taking film classes, and my friends' weekly movie night that, for better or worse, I mostly dominated was still going strong), I was struck with the idealistic notion that it would be a good idea to write a short-ish capsule about literally every film I watched and post it to my blog. Well, it turns out it was a good idea, albeit one that I could never sustain. The blog sputtered out after a brief supernova of activity (during which I was called "the best writer on the internet" -- you know who you are -- as well as a whole slew of other far less complimentary, and likely more accurate, things). Over two years have passed since my final entry and, upon revisiting some of those reviews, I realized I still regard them fondly and that they deserve a more accessible and user-friendly retrospective.
So, in my spare time (which, as a slacker with a college degree and no good job or foreseeable future, I seem to have an abundance of), I set to doing just that. Every mini-review I wrote during those ten months has been archived here, alphabetical by title. It's a fun little time capsule.
It more or less goes without saying that, seeing as how all of this writing is dated by two or three years, the opinions expressed therein may not necessarily reflect how I feel today (I clearly overrated Slumdog Millionaire, probably underrated Argento, etc.). Movies have a curious way of changing with you. Many opinions, however, I am certain I still stand by.
Enjoy!
The Scale
100-90: Blissful, orgasmic cinema. This is something extremely special.
89-80: An excellent, unmissable film. I probably own this (or will) and you should, too.
79-70: A very strong film well worth seeing.
69-60: This is good. It has some problems, but it's still an enjoyable piece of work.
59-50: The gray area. Certain things work about this, other things don't. It depends on mood and taste.
49-40: A mediocre or lackluster film. Not painful, but conspicuously flawed.
39-30: Plain bad. Don't go near this, please.
29-20: Incredibly terrible. Only worth a viewing if self-torture is desired.
19-0: Hooooo mama.
Also, if a film title appears in orange, it just means that, when I wrote the review, I had seen it at least once before. Not sure why, but it seemed an important distinction at the time. Titles in white bold italics represent a film I had not previously viewed.
The Reviews
#
9
17 Again
The 39 Steps
(500) Days of Summer
2046
A
Ace in the Hole
Adaptation.
Adventureland
American History X
Anvil! The Story of Anvil
The Apartment
Ashes of Time Redux
Attack the Gas Station!
B
Barton Fink
Battle Royale
Better Luck Tomorrow
The Big Lebowski
The Big Sleep
Big Trouble in Little China
The Birds
Blackmail
Blowup
Bottle Rocket
Brazil
Broken Wings
The Brothers Bloom
Bubba Ho-Tep
Burn After Reading
C
Casshern
Che
Children of Men
Chinatown
The City of Lost Children
Clean, Shaven
A Clockwork Orange
The Conversation
Coraline
Crows Zero
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
D
The Dark Knight
The Day the Earth Stood Still
Deep Red
The Devil's Backbone
District 9
Do the Right Thing
Doubt
Down by Law
Drag Me to Hell
Drugstore Cowboy
Duplicity
E
The Edukators
Eraserhead
Eternal Summer
Exotica
The Experiment
Eyes Wide Shut
F
Fear(s) of the Dark
Frost/Nixon
G
Ghost World
The Godfather
The Graduate
H
The Happiness of the Katakuris
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
Hero
The Hidden Fortress
The Hurt Locker
I
Ichi the Killer
if....
Igby Goes Down
Imprint
Inglourious Basterds
Inland Empire
In the Company of Men
In the Loop
I Sell the Dead
J
Jackie Brown
Jacob’s Ladder
K
[none]
L
The Lady Vanishes
Lady Vengeance
La Femme Nikita
La Haine
Layer Cake
Let the Right One In
Lifeboat
The Lives of Others
The Lodger
Lost in Translation
The Loved One
M
Made in U.S.A.
Magnolia
Man Bites Dog
The Man Who Wasn't There
Moon
Mysterious Skin
N
No Country for Old Men
O
O
Oldboy
P
Pan’s Labyrinth
Party 7
Peeping Tom
Perfume: The Story of a Murderer
Pig Hunt
Primer
The Princess and the Warrior
Psycho
Public Enemies
Q
[none]
R
Rebecca
[REC]
Repo! The Genetic Opera
Repulsion
Revolutionary Road
Rocket Science
Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion
Run Lola Run
The Rutles
S
Sabotage
Scandal Sheet
Scotland, Pa.
Scream
Se7en
Seven Pounds
Seven Samurai
Shadow of a Doubt
Shallow Grave
The Shining
Sin Nombre
Six-String Samurai
SLC Punk
Slumdog Millionaire
Some Like It Hot
The Spirit
Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter … and Spring
Star Trek
Sukiyaki Western Django
Sunset Blvd.
Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance
Synecdoche, New York
T
The Tenant
Tenebre
Terminator Salvation
Tetsuo: The Iron Man
The Third Man
This Is Spinal Tap
Time
Tokyo Gore Police
Trainspotting
U/V/W/X/Y/Z
Up
The Vanishing
Versus
Waltz With Bashir
Watchmen
Where the Wild Things Are
The Wrestler
Zebraman
Zombieland
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